At my wit's end!

[kira_la]

Hello all,

I have been a student of astrology for some time now, but would really appreciate some assistance with my chart. I've had a very rough last 4-5 years. Especially in money and love. My health has improved finally (after Neptune left my 6th) and I did just start a new job that I really like.

My love life has been a horrible focus of heartache and I'm starting to wonder if there is hope for me or if I should just give up on love all together. Financially it has been a struggle, but it has improved, although I teeter on the brink often.

Any hope or insight you can give me would be very much appreciated. I had always hoped that my Jupiter in the 10th would give me a boost, but it doesn't appear to be working that way. I am looking at going back to school and wonder if that would be a good idea at this time.

SO.... see any love coming into my life and how does the financial future look?

Your help and energy is MUCH appreciated.

http://s260.photobucket.com/albums/ii30/kira_la/?action=view&current=chart.gif

[kira_la]

Thank you for your time to post that! Hopefully someone will be able to help me out a bit.

[kira_la]

Oh... and T Neptune conj my Sun/Moon midpoint certainly would explain the realtionship ****. Anyone have an opinion on how long that will effect me?

[kira_la]

I know I'm talking to myself here, but I'm trying to fit some puzzle pieces together... I just found this:

The Sun/Moon midpoints are also active as marriage timers, when they are contacted or activated in transit by the outer planets Pluto, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn or Jupiter. The transits are generally activated by conjunction, square, or opposition. This degree is also sensitive to progressions at the time of marriage.

[Natasha]

From what I can see if I am reading your chart correctly your sun is 9 degrees pisces?
Saturn has been stationed around 8 degreees virgo since mid november & he has just turned to retrograde.
So Saturn has been opposing your sun since November!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I imagine this has been a seriously severe experiance for you - can feel quite depressed & blocked in some way
He is moving back now so you may feel some relief. He goes right back to 1 degree virgo then goes direct and will pass your sun later in the year

stations within a degree feel emormously powrerful. a pass within a degree is experianced but when the planet stations within the degree it is like 10 times more potent.
Saturn is the task master - look to see what he is asking you - often he is wanting us to do something or change something to make us feel more empowered in our lives.

[kira_la]

It has been tremendously difficult and I have battled depression for a few months now. It was to the point where thoughts of dying entered my mind. (no, I'm not going to off myself, but I sometimes feel that it would be a welcome relief).

I just also realized that the upcoming Solar eclipse will be about 1 degree off of my Sun/Moon midpoint in my 7th house. Additionally, I've had T Uranus opposing natal Uranus and Pluto and conjunct my Sun and now moving past my natal Mercury.

I just keep hoping that something good will come about. I've been looking at going back to school to get my masters, but it seems that so many things have crumbled that I'm almost afraid to try it, thinking it would be another bad decision.

I'm really sorry to be such a downer. Normally I'm the one that brings everyone up, but I guess there are times when you just can't do that.

I have heard that when Saturn goes back over a point after a retro that it isn't as bad as the initial contact.

I guess I just wish I knew what I should "do" to figure this all out.

Thank you so much for your time. It really was very sweet of you.
Kira

[sageofaquarius]

There are lots of reasons to be cheerful, kira_la.

By the middle of February there will be a small bouquet of planets transiting towards conjunction with your natal Venus in the 7th. That should put a wag in the tail of your Leo Ascendant enough to kick out some of the blues and energise relationships. Uranus will transit conjunct 8th house Chiron shortly after - now what was the title of that Marvin Gaye song? Contextual healing? Something like that.

Give yourself a couple of weeks' break from career concerns until the Sun has finished squaring your MC. With Jupiter in down-to-earth Taurus in the 10th, a sensible approach to the educational requirements of any profession should be second nature to you. Use this period instead to regenerate the confidence you're going to need to make the most of those 7th house transits. Easy does it, and do watch out for romantic illusions as Neptune moves in on Venus.

I suspect what you're currently suffering from is a bad case of the 42s. This doesn't seem to get much coverage in astrology generally although there have been a few posts from (usually female) members on this forum who are down in the dumps about life in general at this age. It's the double-whammy transits of Uranus opposite natal Uranus and Saturn opposite natal Saturn.

The first Saturn opposition occurs around puberty, and the second (in women) towards the onset of the menopause. In terms of procreation, life's almost done - the offspring should be pretty much grown up and out of the nest by now. No wonder it's beginning to feel like you've done your duty and it doesn't much matter whether you live or die.

Uranus, big brother of ever-youthful Mercury, looks across the zodiac at his reflection in the mirror of time and realises, shock horror, that he's going to need some help if he's going to stay forever young. Suddenly the cosmos needs the cosmetic and nothing shocks Uranus so much as encountering the unexpected - that's normally his job.

Our psychology of ageing also plays its part. From the late 30s we try to equip ourselves with the right attitude to handle being 40 with dignity. Generally we succeed. It's no big deal being 40 and the wheels don't fall off our life cycle. Age 40 is no big deal in astrological terms, either. Often it's not until we're 42 that we realise we only count years in decades because we have ten fingers whereas Father Time uses another scale altogether.

So, chin up, onwards and upwards and, as Natasha said, keep an eye out for Saturn's third pass opposite your natal Saturn around the end of July. He re-enters your 1st before turning direct, so you may have to have another seriously supportive talk with yourself before then. Good luck.

sage

[Natasha]

THe initial hit is the most dramatic in the retrograde cycle. THis was a pretty intense transit for your sun Kia - and it hung around within orb for over 2 months
I didnt examine the other influences but its felt by many astrologers than saturn to the sun is one of the harder transit
we can feel its eroding our very sense of being. But it can be asking that we find a sense of our self (the sun) albeit being asked in a fairly harsh way

And being a Pisces - perhaps asking us to find love & forgiveness & empathy for ourselves in the way we would for other

Saturn also asks of boundaries too which difficult especially a Pisces. He likes order and having things in the timely way.

Finally if we can be mindful of taking on other peoples problems & containing our own in a way which is helpful to us

All easy to say but hard to do...

If we can be kinder to ourselves - even practice it and be forgiving to ourselves and try not to worry but let things flow even a day at a time while under this influence - then it can help

Oh in refence to your queston about the retrograde point being stationed at the end of the cycle - yes it is correct but its not exact to the degree - he goes stationary direct at 14 degrees virgo in may 2009. He exactly opposes your sun in august 08 but he is moving pretty quickly then.
In the august hit you will review what happened now and in may 09 any issues relating to the initial event will have some kind of outcome

[kira_la]

Thank you to all of you for the time and your responses. I guess I just want to believe that either the worst is over or it just isn't going to get any worse! LOL....

It is interesting that Saturn will be opposing my Sun again in August. That will be when my oldest son leaves for college. I know this is going to be HUGE for me. I am so close to all three of my kids, but in many ways, my identitiy has been centered around them as well. I hope that I'm working through my issues ahead of time and that it won't be as bad as I anticipate when it gets here. I am VERY glad to know that Saturn won't stagnate over that Sun opposition though. Hopefully the resolution in May of 09 will be a happy one!

I think that one lesson I am being asked is to be kinder to myself. I also know that I'm not going to be as trusting in relationships. I've learned that one the hard way. I know enough not to compromise who I am and my goals for someone else. I just hope I pass any test that comes my way. LOL...

I have decided that I'm going to start taking just one class towards my Masters. The first few classes are easier and I will at least feel like I'm moving in a direction that is just for me and towards my goals.

Again, thank you all so much.

It really helped to be reminded of the Saturn opposition to my Sun. I guess I didn't think about how LONG that freaking planet was sitting on top of me. It is good to know there is an explanation for how I've felt. I've been seriously worried about my mental health and making it out of this alive. I suffered from serious post partum depression and was suicidal at one point during that hell. I never want to go there again, but it felt like I was slipping down into that pit again.

Now, lets hope that eclipse to my Sun/Moon Midpoint won't fry my circuits!!