Help me im so depressed

[Astrodawn]

I dont know how to stop myself from sinking deeper and deeper into a state of loneliness and paranoia and mistrust of people I once thought were really nice......im spending more and more time crying and I dont think i can hold the front of being ok for much longer....
Since september ive fallen out with (this is inside me rather than arguments with people) nearly everyone i work with...they just think ive gone miserable but i dont want to go out with them or socialise with them. These same crowd of people I used to think were the best people evernow I think they are plotting and scheming against me.
Last week I was quite ill and this has highlighted to me that my partner doesnt care about me at all.
Im now thinking of getting rid of him aswell, my whole life has been full of conditional love. I am loved on the condition that i look after and keep other people happy. The odd time I need someone (for example last week when ill) I am on my own....I dont think im a bad person I just dont understand why my whole life is one trial after another......im tired of it, i have had enough.

I know i have some major transits at present including pluto conjunct my sun this is supposed to be there until 2010 I cant feel like this for that length of time. Please can someone give me something to focus on before i give up. x

23 dec 1964 manchester uk 8.10pm

[Catatonia]

Listen, this is almost completely unastrological. With the current Mars Retrograde and the previous retrogrades of Mercury and Venus, I think you've realized the whole story, but you are having trouble accepting the reality. This is the reality with nearly EVERYONE. It's so difficult to find anyone who truly cares for another..genuinely. Everyone plays games, everyone has conditions. People are jerks. Once you accept that, you're on the road to accepting that perhaps the people around you aren't who you thought they were. The only solution to this is to understand, accept, and then do what you know is right. Acting on your feelings may not be the best thing because you -care- for these people and there's a good chance it isn't reciprocated (based on what YOU'VE told us.) SO, what I suggest you do is what you know is the correct thing. You've already said what that was. Either disconnecting or getting rid of completely.

Here's the bottom line: if you are not happy, you need to make changes. Only YOU know what those changes are. Here's the other bottom line: take this as a lesson and an opportunity to start over. You CAN start over, even if you have to continue working with those people. Perhaps you want to get a new job too? I don't know, but in time you'll figure it out. Once you realize you can start over, you have to realize that now you KNOW what the signals are. Meaning, you'll avoid meeting the same kind of people, you'll avoid acting the same way you did before. You won't please everyone and be just dandy. You won't be as easily trustful. Get it?

You'll be OKAY. :)

Good luck.

[Moulin]

May l give you a tip that will change your life forever?

I'm a great believer in not giving the hungry food, preferring to teach them how to grow crops instead... so l am not about to say "oh no, i'm sorry how awful" cos that just reinforces the behaviour ... so,... here goes.

YOU SAID:
"I dont know how to stop myself from sinking deeper and deeper into a state of loneliness and paranoia and mistrust of people I once thought were really nice......im spending more and more time crying and I dont think i can hold the front of being ok for much longer....
Since september ive fallen out with (this is inside me rather than arguments with people) nearly everyone i work with...they just think ive gone miserable but i dont want to go out with them or socialise with them. These same crowd of people I used to think were the best people evernow I think they are plotting and scheming against me."

Re-read this paragraph please because you are actually creating a negative environment for yourself. You, by being down and in this state of crying and turing your back on your friends are TELLING the Universe that this is what you want.

Tomorrow's reality is only today's thoughts so PLEASE try to do your favourite thing tomorrow to change your state and mindset onto a more positive energy to bring a brighter tomorrow.

Merry Christmas! :39:

[Moulin]

ps. one more thing.... you ATTRACT what you PROJECT so be careful what you think about, how you act and what you wish for... otherwise you will attract exactly that! ;)

[Astrodawn]

starting anew is my middle name..one thing i know is starting afresh.....its obviously the wrong place to be here, i need to go to the doctors for help

Thanks anyway....hopefully you wont ever feel this way

[Carole]

Hi, Astrodawn!

Yes, you are right. You have some difficult transits right now but Pluto conjunct your Sun is not the main culprit here. Pluto conjunct Sun at the most intensifies some natal traits of your personality, like your likes and dislikes, issues over asserting your ego, some extremist tendencies, etc. Of course, this can be a problem if you have a problem moderating your actions.

I think that you are undergoing a phase known as midlife crisis that is triggered by Saturn, Uranus and Neptune transits to your personal planets. It's a difficult phase that everyone of us will have to deal with at some point. But it will pass eventually and leave you free of unnecessary garbage to make your travel through life much easier in the future.

With these transits you examine your life and the things you have done so far, and as you get overly critical, you want to get rid of structures and limitations you have built in your life and feel the need to escape. You are probably questioning yourself whether all the efforts you have put into your life have been worth it. Very often you will be questioning about what in your life is real and what is not.

You have a natural tendency to depression just by being a Capricorn. This doesn't mean that every Capricorn has to get depressed, only that has a proneness to it caused by their enhanced sense of responsibility and need to be in control of every thing, which is not always easy. Besides, your Moon in the first house opposing Saturn is a contributing factor to your depressive feelings that now are being magnified by transiting Saturn conjunct your Moon.

This transit brings feelings of guilt, depression, obsession with the past, and isolation. And some unfinished business with a woman in our lives, sometimes adds to this tormenting transit. Fortunately, it's a separating aspect so you will be feeling less and less the stress of it in the future.

Transiting Saturn is also squaring your natal Venus, which makes your Leo traits suffer since it's probable that you feel unpopular, and as if a wall has been built between you and your siblings, neighbours and co-workers. You don't feel very social at the moment, and added to this, there can be an overload of responsability and lots of overtime at work. This is a separating aspect too.

You must watch over transiting Venus applying to opposition to your natal Jupiter, because this will make you feel lazy and extremely self indulgent, which can lead to undesirable gain of weight that might increase the negative emotions you are already experiencing and put some stress on your health. Try to control your impulses and use common sense in your purchases, as spending tends to go up. This is dangerous especially now that you are feeling like escaping reality, as you could end up indebted.

Be careful with the applying sextile of transiting Venus to your natal Pluto. You will feel more demanding in your relationship with your partner and will not feel happy with less than a total commitment. These expectations and the little patience you will be having might bring disappointment. The key is to try looking at things from a reality tinted perspective.

Well, it's definitely a hard time for you, but if you know why, how and when it's happening, and try to understand that this is necessary for your personal growth and to break free of things, people and situation you no longer need in your life, you will feel rewarded in the end.

Try to keep yourself busy, drag yourself out of bed and make up, smile to yourself in front of the mirror, count your blessings (we all have more than a few) and think of this time as a necessary pain. Like a shot when you have an infection. Shake off the Christmas blues, and I am sure that you will be ok.

Good Luck, and Cheer Up!!:)

Carole

[rahu]

hi dawn.
just hang on ,all this pass and this depression will be gone in a week.
rahu

[Liquid Green]

ASTRODAWN,
me too!!!!!!!
since september , my life has gone so far downhill its scaary.......I had a heap of friends nearby in sept, now i have none......
I am being judged and people around me all talk together and then i find out from some other person......my life is full of mistrust and paranoia at the moment.....
I dont know about your transits etc, but wnat you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE FEELING LIKE THIS........and now i know i am not alone either.;)

[Astrodawn]

Carol thank you so much for your insights into my current transits and taking the time to look, I know i have numerous heavy transits with pluto/sun and uranus opposite my virgo big boys etc im glad that its not the pluto one thats making me feel so down as I had worries it would be like this for years.
Many peole who know me would describe me as a sunny bright and amusing person which I am usually (sun 5th house & Leo asc) but I have been prone to depression in the past, usually caused by an upsetting erratic event, but for many years now I have felt good inside, I hate feeling miserable and down and I fight it but recently its felt like when im smiling its not real only a front.

I am feeling somewhat better today i will bear what you say in mind if i feel downward again and at present im trying to focus on the positive, and am thinking of other people who something to be down about ( I dont think I have I have )

rahu thankyou to you also

green we can have a chat if you ever need to x