Marriage as a stepping stone

[Rashida]

Birth info

Exhibit A
18 September 1978
San Jose, California
10:00 am (approximate)

Exhibit B
19 July 1982
Rock Springs, Wy
1:36p.m.


I see alot of extreme incompatibilities for this as a marriage combo. Not a lot of room for peace. What is the importance of this relationship for each partner??

I, (exhibit B) find my partner to be very insecure. We have many arguments resulting from poor communication and insensitivity on both our parts.Sexuality has died down considerably within a few months of living together. My partner grew up in an addictive household, is an addict himself and I have been struggling with it for a while now. My ex-therapist/astrologer says that it doesnt matter if I leave him, I will just attract another addict into my life. Its my "past-life karma" ......

My partner has considerable charm (but can be superficial), is very intelligent and emotionally supportive in times of need.....but I also find him to be controlling, demanding, cold (except when he wants sex or is talking about sex.....or like I said, being emotionally supportive of me when I'm having a bad day) very negative, dark, isolating, critical and rejecting.

I think there is no perfect marriage and being equal and treating eachother equally is harder than just accepting traditional norms.....but I feel like if a certain compatibility is not naturally obtainable then you're in for a long hard ride.... what do I have to learn from this marriage...patience to keep it going? Self-control? Strength to do and be who I want to be even though someone's constantly looking over my shoulder? How to let it go????? Acceptance of uncomfortable emotions? Sometimes I just feel like I would be better off alone, but I just know it will be hard since we have a daughter and it scares me....the stress of being a single parent.

[flare]

Wow, your ex-therapist/astrologist is very stupid. You CAN change the person you are. You are in a CHALLENGING relationship. If you don't like it, move on. And I suggest you dump your ex-therapist ASAP.

[Draco]

I agree with Flare.

My ex-therapist/astrologer says that it doesnt matter if I leave him, I will just attract another addict into my life. Its my "past-life karma"

Your therapist/astrologer sounds like the kind of Californian fruitcake that should be given a wide berth.

Karma? Was this nutter a Hindu brahmin as well? Putting all your love troubles down to 'past life karma' sounds neither very astrological nor very therapeutic to me. Do yourself a favour and find yourself a real astrologer, usually found somewhere outside the vicinity of the 'New Age' movement of California, where it's at it's wackiest and most absurd.

[sskohli]

Birth info

Exhibit A
18 September 1978
San Jose, California
10:00 am (approximate)

Exhibit B
19 July 1982
Rock Springs, Wy
1:36p.m.


I see alot of extreme incompatibilities for this as a marriage combo. Not a lot of room for peace. What is the importance of this relationship for each partner??

I, (exhibit B) find my partner to be very insecure. We have many arguments resulting from poor communication and insensitivity on both our parts.Sexuality has died down considerably within a few months of living together. My partner grew up in an addictive household, is an addict himself and I have been struggling with it for a while now. My ex-therapist/astrologer says that it doesnt matter if I leave him, I will just attract another addict into my life. Its my "past-life karma" ......

My partner has considerable charm (but can be superficial), is very intelligent and emotionally supportive in times of need.....but I also find him to be controlling, demanding, cold (except when he wants sex or is talking about sex.....or like I said, being emotionally supportive of me when I'm having a bad day) very negative, dark, isolating, critical and rejecting.

I think there is no perfect marriage and being equal and treating eachother equally is harder than just accepting traditional norms.....but I feel like if a certain compatibility is not naturally obtainable then you're in for a long hard ride.... what do I have to learn from this marriage...patience to keep it going? Self-control? Strength to do and be who I want to be even though someone's constantly looking over my shoulder? How to let it go????? Acceptance of uncomfortable emotions? Sometimes I just feel like I would be better off alone, but I just know it will be hard since we have a daughter and it scares me....the stress of being a single parent.
Hey rashida,
Yes i agree with the above, your astrologer doesn't know one s***t he's talking about. The karma theory is all dependent on actions, and actions are something 'you' have to take and 'can' take to change the course of your life. like they say, the future is not cast in stone.
You just turned 25 yesterday, happy birthday, and you are talking as if your life's over.
Dump em all and start over.

peace,
sandeep

[Virinchi]

its was just matter of time before this relation starts working !
you posted this when you've seen the limits of frustration in a relation.
But post august, things will improve, but they wont without efforts from both sides and more from exhibit B's side.

exhibit A is more like an introvert but is good at heart

you've posted everything about your partner, but did you ever look into urself ?
i see bigger mistake lying on ur side

[freedomlover]

Rashida,

You wrote:
My ex-therapist/astrologer says that it doesnt matter if I leave him, I will just attract another addict into my life. Its my "past-life karma" ......
Now, if this statement was taken literally as-is, I would agree with what the other forum members have said about it.

However, I read some more information in there that should have been included. Either you didn't write everything your therapist/astrooger said OR you misunderstood what they said OR your therapist/astrologer did say this, but what I'm about to say is what should have been said.
(Did you follow all that? :rolleyes:)

It is true that your current relationship is probably a result of choices made that have been recycling, and almost definitely a past-life pattern, as well.
The statement that if you leave your current partner, you will attract another like him needs some defining and clarifying information. IF you leave your current partner and do not take some time to reflect and do some inner work on why you made the choices that put you in your current relationship, and instead jump right into the next relationship that comes along - chances are that you will keep attracting people to you that fits your established relationship pattern of energy.

If you are a praying person, and you recognize that you are in a pattern of relating that is not beneficial to you and you want to escape, (which sounds like you do) then you can ask the Universe to help you heal and establish a more healthy relating style with you. The help may come in the form of a close friend, a book, a support group, etc. The main thing is that you grow out of this pattern of unhealthy relating.

If your current partner is willing to take this path of growth with you, then you may want to give it awhile longer. Also, sometimes as one person grows and starts relating differently, they can change the dynamics between the two. You can then gauge by his response to your new healthy behavior whether the relationship is salvageable or not. The healthier you become the more clarity you will get. The important thing is that you start working on what issues and choices put you in this uncomfortable relationship to begin with.

If you do leave your husband, I would strongly advise against jumping both feet into another committed relationship until you've healed from this one. But you can always pray and ask for someone to come along who is a little stronger than you are in the areas you need healing in, and leave it up to your Highest Good as to whether this person comes or not. Sometimes what a person really needs is just a little time alone.

[rahu]

unfortunately the composite of this relationship has uranus square the sun/mercury midpoint and squre both mercury and the sun with a 4 degree orb.this is a aspect of instability and breakup.very few relationships can survive this as the need for independence is so strong that oabout the only way this can work is to have a "open" relationship.plus the mars/neptune midpoint is also conjunct uranus,these aspect indicate that he is probably unfaithful and is using his freedom whether you know about it or not.the mercury square chiron indicates that most communication between you two involves putting the other down with destructive criticism.there seems to be little hope of growing together as the strongest aspect indicate divergence.
todd