Will it ever work out?

[MidnightDevil]

hi


im currently with what i called a slow destructive relashionship, at least, that's what im feeling.

im with someone who i feel its slowly trying to void my world and drag me into hers, and i can't handle this anymore.

i tried to do everything the best way possible, but I can't anymore, im in a one way trip to ****! she can't stand the fact that i have friends and i like to be sociable, being that against her nature cause she thinks im going out with friends for other reasons (woman).

its a hell of a pressure to be at home or with a friend at the coffe and feel that she's constantly nervous about where i am or what i am doing.

yesterday i havent picked up the phone when she called me (didint listen to it)... so she went insane over reacting about it, blaming and calling me a liar (among other things). ****, all im friends say that im constantly different, depressed, i dont feel like going out or having fun with them, cause my gf cant stand the fact that I have friends, and among my friends, i have one or two female friends, which i already introduced to her (neverless to say she didint took very well).

i want to know how far can this go, or what can i do. im afraid she's a very nervous person and kinda irrational. she keeps blaming me for no reason, and i dont understand it. its been almost 9 months like this, everytime i step outside or something she goes into stress, dragging me with psychological pressure to answer her SMS and stuff.... God... im on the border line.

can someone help me please? i dont know what else to tell her to convince her that im not who she thinks i am or to just leave me alone. help...

my date, born in 2nd of march 1983 9.15AM cascais / portugal
hers, born in 2nd june of 1982 11:00AM lisboa / portugal ...

question made (if needed) at 10hAM 3/11/2005 Lisboa / Portugal

any help is appreciated... but please, give me an answer!

[Barry-ann]

Hi!
Do you really need a horary for this?? The form this relationship takes is obviously not good for you, and probably not for her either. I write 'form' on purpose, because it's what people do with the energy between them that counts.

But I believe there's more to it (sorry, no horary answer). With your Pluto conjunct Moon on the Des you need a lot of intensity in your relationships, and Venus Mars conjunct in Aries tells the same story. She has a lot of planets near your DC,(your Moons are conjunct, lovely, and she has that same Moon-Pluto conjunction) so she could satisfy just that need. There's nothing terribly not right here or something.

But maybe you're letting her do all the intensity right now?? Your intensity as well?? (Which might leave her feeling rather lonely)I have my Pluto in 7 (as you in fact have) , and was in a relationship with a very controlling and jealous man and always blaming him for it. Of course, because I did not use my own powerful and intense energy, but was manipulative nevertheless: the one who is not jealous seems has more power in a relationship. I am fully aware of my own intensity now, give a lot more emotion and do not longer attract controlling behaviour in others.

Are you aware of what projection is? We do not recognize some traits of ourselves and project them unto others, attract people with just the traits we do not develop, but might contribute to our becoming more complete.

You're still young, so this might be very abstract to you.
I hope it helped anyway.

[MidnightDevil]

I wish I could know how to project my intensity.. but I do love her and I do everything to make her not forget that huge detail! which in fact sometimes seems to be ignored. When you talk about intensity = obsession? lack of control ?

All very fussy I know.. right now im in a sea without knowing very well what to do...

[Barry-ann]

No, intensity in its unhealthy forms are obsession and big, controlling jealousy.
And when you think unhealthy, think unsafe. She feels unsafe. But her behaviour makes you feel unsafe again, (??) and so you two have come in a downward spiral, a powergame. Of course it's not a real game.
This jealousy is not necessarily your doing, it is her responsibility to tackle that! I would not adjust my social life for her for instance if it's really something that makes you happy. These obsessions are mostly remnants from something in our youth, which become obvious when we are in a relationship. She gets like a frightend child.

Could you be jealous too?
Intensity in its healthy forms are passion, commitment to your love, commitment to your personal goals, showing her how much you care.
Maybe you can speak to her calmly about your concerns about your relationship, how her controlling ways make you feel. But not in any way blaming. Just speak about your feelings, and how she and your realtionship are very important to you. Don't tell her she is wrong or stupid or whatever. Never deny each others feelings. Maybe things improve when she feels you are taking her seriously, but stand up for yourself too.
She could try to do something about it then.

I wish you the best!!

[MidnightDevil]

I tried, there's always something that hurts her somehow.
She's allright with the kind of life work - gf - home - bed! But that doesn't make me happy cause I miss my friends. and she reacts like or friends or me...

Be jealous? I have no reasons, she has a quiet life. Since she doesn't have the kind of social life I have I have no problems including her in mine as well, but she has.

[MidnightDevil]

I'll try meanwhile to make a stand, Im assuming lot's of fights will eventually happen, but I have to make a stand, be serious and perhaps i've been "hiding" too much on this relashionship. I'll show myself more, i'll make my points, try to reach my goals and even if it's a rocky road, i'll try. I'll assume from the start her behaviour will change as well.

[Barry-ann]

Had a computer crash!!
I wish you lots of courage, love and strength!


The quality of being close to yourself brings you close to everything else :P

Barry-Ann

[voyagergirl]

I agree with whomever posted the answer about not needing a horary chart to see the answer.

I think you two are not well-suited to each other. She might be insanely jealous and without reason but your need to be with your friends (and that includes your female friends) doesn't make your girlfriend feel secure.

While her feelings of insecurity are her problem, you might be inadvertantly contributing to them, which makes her even more frightened and jealous and leaves you feeling even more like ****.

The bottom line is that you each need to be with someone more like yourselves. You need to find someone who shares your more social outlook and your girlfriend needs to find someone who really likes nothing more than to stay at home alone with her. That doesn't sound like you!

So don't beat yourself up over this: it's not that either one of you is wrong or right here. You're just not suited for each other.

[MidnightDevil]

I know that if we look inside we have the answer. More clear that it's hard to believe. A few factors dragged me into the curiosity (I guess my Asc. is now in Geminis).

If she's not to me, why is this relashionship karmic?
Of course I don't mean that just because it's karmic im not in it forever lol, just what do I need to take out from it?

[Springup]

Barry-ann, I second what you wrote.
Midnightdevil, a relationship is a two way traffic. Perhaps, when you grow older, you will realised love itself is not enough. It takes commitment, respect, responsibilities, maturity, tolerance, forgiving, patience, compassion...etc to build a true relationship. And love is the foundation to build all these. The way you love her may not be the way she wants to be loved and vice versa. Have a talk to her calmly, hold her hands and let her know you value your relationship and want to work things out. Ask her why is she feeling insecure about your relationship and tell her your insecurities too. Invite her to your social circle and let her knows who you hang out with. Encourage her to have her own social circle too. This is respect for each other. Learn to respect each others needs and even if you have to end the relationship, none of you will feel cheated and hurt because respect is there. :)

[Springup]

Of course I don't mean that just because it's karmic im not in it forever lol, just what do I need to take out from it?

What you will take out is what you have put in. :)

[MidnightDevil]

Barry-ann, I second what you wrote.
Midnightdevil, a relationship is a two way traffic. Perhaps, when you grow older, you will realised love itself is not enough. It takes commitment, respect, responsibilities, maturity, tolerance, forgiving, patience, compassion...etc to build a true relationship. And love is the foundation to build all these. The way you love her may not be the way she wants to be loved and vice versa. Have a talk to her calmly, hold her hands and let her know you value your relationship and want to work things out. Ask her why is she feeling insecure about your relationship and tell her your insecurities too. Invite her to your social circle and let her knows who you hang out with. Encourage her to have her own social circle too. This is respect for each other. Learn to respect each others needs and even if you have to end the relationship, none of you will feel cheated and hurt because respect is there. :)

Well....

That's nothing I haven't done before! Believe me! There's always something else!

[Springup]

Hi Midnightdevil,

If you felt that you have done your best and have tried your best in this, maybe you can consider that both of you is not loving each other the way you both wanted. Sometimes you can love a person dearly but that is not the way that the other one wants to be loved and vice versa. :wink: