was the purpose to relive my childhood and set me free ?

[sawyer]

we broke up 2 months ago , but as the time goes by feelings start to fade and i make some clearier thoughts .

as a child i didnt feel much love and i spent almost my entire adult life blaming myself for all the wrong that happened in my relationships .

ive always felt neglected and a baggage to my boyfriends ...

the pain i went through this break up i feel that it had a message .

to finally realise it wasnt my fault as a child - let go of the guilty and punishment and move on to healthy love .

is it true ? was there such a lesson in this relationship ?and would it be catastrophic for me to not break him up ?

[Neptune Rising]

Hi Sawyer

It may sound corney, but I feel the painful relationships so often teach us a great deal about ourselves, hopefully enabling us to release long held patterns that can hold is back from maturing and growing healthily.

Do you think that maybe, this happened for a reason, this break up may be in the process of allowing you to heal, as you say, from your past hurts? If the break up didn't happen, the healing may not have been allowed to happen...? I feel it helps to allow these things to happen, when there is nothing you can actually do to stop them. Maybe they were mean't to happen in this way?

I see in the chart Moon is to the minutes, conjunct to Mercury the chart ruler. Pehaps this is showing us that you are in touch with your emotions? Mind and heart conjunct, a rare thing, sometimes to find. Maybe difficult for you too as Moon square the Ascendant/Descendant, maybe showing troubles emotionally. Aside from that, I see no reconciliation between Mercury and Jupiter. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, in some way it may be helping you to heal :)

NR

[sawyer]

Hi Sawyer

It may sound corney, but I feel the painful relationships so often teach us a great deal about ourselves, hopefully enabling us to release long held patterns that can hold is back from maturing and growing healthily.

Do you think that maybe, this happened for a reason, this break up may be in the process of allowing you to heal, as you say, from your past hurts? If the break up didn't happen, the healing may not have been allowed to happen...? I feel it helps to allow these things to happen, when there is nothing you can actually do to stop them. Maybe they were mean't to happen in this way?

I see in the chart Moon is to the minutes, conjunct to Mercury the chart ruler. Pehaps this is showing us that you are in touch with your emotions? Mind and heart conjunct, a rare thing, sometimes to find. Maybe difficult for you too as Moon square the Ascendant/Descendant, maybe showing troubles emotionally. Aside from that, I see no reconciliation between Mercury and Jupiter. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, in some way it may be helping you to heal :)

NR

hello Neptune Rising , you are so kind to help me ...

ive come to realise many things so yes my heart meets the mind ....but painfull too ...

i thought i was born to love him .anyway , big words maybe ...

we have been through a similar childhood so there was some hidden anger in the relationship still we felt each others shelter cause we had that common backround and we understood eaqch other .

i know its a good thing the time apart and the break up did happen , its just difficult to deal with it . I was in denial - we were supposed to be engaged by now and instead we broke up ....

but the remarkable thing is that through the pain i feel some kind of catharsis - do you know the meaning ? it means reliving and letting go / setting free .

i wonder if that catharsis was only from my part , but i was fortunate i was aware of that patterns when i entered the relationship .

thanks for the help , take care!

[Neptune Rising]

Its a pleasure to help Sawyer

Yes it sounds cathartic, I never forget reading somewhere that the pain in situations like this can be likened to a spiritual surgery, where a wound is opened in order to clean the things that may be harming you, in order to heal (hope I explained that right!)

I know it must also be disappointing, it takes time to heal, and patience with ourselves. :)

I guess, maybe, when there is alot of pain, there is also a lot of transforming going on at the same time...

NR

[sawyer]

Its a pleasure to help Sawyer

Yes it sounds cathartic, I never forget reading somewhere that the pain in situations like this can be likened to a spiritual surgery, where a wound is opened in order to clean the things that may be harming you, in order to heal (hope I explained that right!)

I know it must also be disappointing, it takes time to heal, and patience with ourselves. :)

I guess, maybe, when there is alot of pain, there is also a lot of transforming going on at the same time...

NR

yes exactly ! like a surgery and then when the wrong and sick gets the treat , the pain gives place to an incredible light ...!

still it was , it is at somedays like i have survived falling from the 10th floor of a building ... maybe i was just about to repeat my parents pattern and last minute i was speared ...

ps my 5th house is full though ! though not good aspects right now .... maybe something new will come when the healing is done properly ...

take care ...

[AquariusT]

Its a pleasure to help Sawyer

Yes it sounds cathartic, I never forget reading somewhere that the pain in situations like this can be likened to a spiritual surgery, where a wound is opened in order to clean the things that may be harming you, in order to heal (hope I explained that right!)

I know it must also be disappointing, it takes time to heal, and patience with ourselves. :)

I guess, maybe, when there is alot of pain, there is also a lot of transforming going on at the same time...

NR

Quite profound NR, and so true.