Anything You Want

[Beulah]

My life is a wreck, (yet I'm stupidly happy) so anything you see and want to tell me will be fully appreciated...
I'm unemployed, on disability (yes, my health is poor); my man is impossible; my apartment is a problem due to the neighbors, the super, the landlord, and repairs- plus I'm behind in rent; my siblings fight constantly and call on me to resolve things; I am childless and struggling to accept that I may always be- and I'm really struggling to stop eating like a horse, sleeping like a bear, and to get it together...

I have posted a thread in the relationship section- If you aren't all disgusted with my stupidity, I'd appreciate anyone who knows about such things going there and helping me out...

[vanila]

Hi Beulah,

I will tell you to look at your chart with the transits...
T Uranus opp T Saturn....you have the same aspect in your chart and it is in the same signs that are in the transiting Saturn and Uranus right now and before now......and because they are slow moving planets....the things that you are talking about are from long time I guess....and both Saturn and Uranus won't stop bother you soon...
so I don't want to discourage you.... opposite...:)
you will have to be patient ...and I don't know what is your hobby...but you can start with something that will help you understand why are the things happening this way in your life....
I think astrology is very interesting science and it is one of the most amazing things that you can get in touch with....
this is what I think...I'm not a pro :)

nila :)

[Modcleopatra]

My, so

down. on. yourself.

My heart goes out to you.

You have a few choices you can make here, my dear:

1. Start small, pick the one thing you hold most dear to you, and keep it there.

2. Never question yourself, never undermine your own ability to
be
your
own
authority.

3. Take good care of yourself, what else do you really have.

4. Laugh at yourself to Heaven, and be sure to cry on your way, if only because it's cleansing.

5. Abundance, where to seek and where to find?

Is it in the mind
Is it in the heart
Is it in the body at all

Not everyone has water for the soul.

- Teddi

[starlink]

Beulah, I have answered to your thread in the relational astrology forum. Now that you seem to pop up in my face twice tonight (out of all the other threads being posted), I see this as a sign and I will answer to this thread as well and see how I can give you advice. Like I said in the other thread, I have very limited time right now, visitors, grandchild, you name it, so give me some time please.

Take care,
Starlink

[Beulah]

Hi Beulah,

I will tell you to look at your chart with the transits...
T Uranus opp T Saturn....you have the same aspect in your chart and it is in the same signs that are in the transiting Saturn and Uranus right now and before now......and because they are slow moving planets....the things that you are talking about are from long time I guess....and both Saturn and Uranus won't stop bother you soon...
so I don't want to discourage you.... opposite...:)
you will have to be patient ...and I don't know what is your hobby...but you can start with something that will help you understand why are the things happening this way in your life....
I think astrology is very interesting science and it is one of the most amazing things that you can get in touch with....
this is what I think...I'm not a pro :)

nila :)


Thank you, Nila.:) I looked at the transits you mentioned- I have Natal Saturn in Pisces opposing Uranus in Virgo (and a bunch of stuff, also in Virgo ); and now I have Transiting Uranus in Pisces where Saturn was, opposing my Natal Uranus in Virgo (and its own Natal position and that same bunch of planets)... I'm not sure what that means. You are right that all the problems I have have been long-term... ugh... I will search the web for info, but I might only find, like, things that don't really apply...

[Beulah]

My, so

down. on. yourself. O.O You would not believe how much happier I am now than I used to be...

My heart goes out to you.

You have a few choices you can make here, my dear:

1. Start small, pick the one thing you hold most dear to you, and keep it there. That would be an artist and a writer...

2. Never question yourself, never undermine your own ability to
be
your
own
authority.Ummm.... I was under the impression that I had bad judgement...

3. Take goodcare of yourself, what else do you really have.
Yes, I need to do that- its a struggle...

4. Laugh at yourself to Heaven, and be sure to cry on your way, if only because it's cleansing.This, I think I finally got the hang of. :wink:

5. Abundance, where to seek and where to find?

Is it in the mind
Is it in the heart
Is it in the body at all

Not everyone has water for the soul.

- Teddi
Yes, but I need more material things...:crying:

[Beulah]

Beulah, I have answered to your thread in the relational astrology forum. Now that you seem to pop up in my face twice tonight (out of all the other threads being posted), I see this as a sign and I will answer to this thread as well and see how I can give you advice. Like I said in the other thread, I have very limited time right now, visitors, grandchild, you name it, so give me some time please.

Take care,
Starlink

So Polite! :D You are doing me a big favor! I am more than willing to wait!

[Beulah]

Would anyone tell me specifically about my health, and whether it will improve? I got clean and sober, and really worked hard in therapy only to develop a number of chronic health problems... :pinched: So as my mental and emotional problems get better, my physical health gets worse... seems unfair.

[Modcleopatra]

O.O You would not believe how much happier I am now than I used to be...

That would be an artist and a writer...

Ummm.... I was under the impression that I had bad judgement...

Yes, I need to do that- its a struggle...

This, I think I finally got the hang of. :wink:


Yes, but I need more material things...:crying:


Hmm... I see myself as a bit of an artist and writer too. A bit obvious I suppose. :tongue:

It's scary because art promises so little materially, except for the art itself. Your second house, house of personal material assets, is ruled by the Moon, and the Moon is in the 6th house. Considered your art or writing a form of service? Doing it in the "spirit" of service?

You have Moon squaring Mars in the 3rd, so your writing may also be a source of frustration to you, like it makes you want to pace around! Perhaps something more active could help? At least not letting the frustration bug you.

Moon disposits Jupiter here in the 3rd, so service is particularly gratifying by way of writing, and good for your health. Jupiter is exalted here so writing promises something for you, good health and a sharp mind. Saturn is conjunct the MC in a Grand Trine with Jupiter and the Moon, so it would make sense that writing would really suit you.

What do you like to write about?

Mod.

[waybread]

Beulah, what is it exactly that you want out of life at this point? Your post suggests a lot of stuff going on in your life, but not what you see as the road ahead.

Congratulations on your sobriety! That was a huge step to take, so maybe now with that behind you, you can focus on what is next in your life.

Are you still smoking? [Just looking at your avatar.] If so, that has to be next in your Department of Health to-do list because it is linked to so many other health issues. What kind of physical exercise do you do? [Preferably out-of-doors.] Weight can be hard to control, but muscle tone, healthy foods, and heart health can improve no matter what shape you're in.

Your man probably isn't going to change, so what choices do you want to make around that?

Is it time to move apartments? [I know, I know--if someone suggests taking steps to improve what you claim are your problems, there are a lot of reasons why you think can't take them. But the "reasons why not" are usually mental rather than material.]

That square from Mars to your Moon and Neptune no doubt saps your self-confidence; but you've made some super improvements already: you can do it.

Your whole chart seems focussed into a gi-mongous "kite" pattern, pointing to your sun-Uranus in the 5th house of self-expression. This is a real "I gotta be me" placement. So the best thing is, day by day, to be as authentic and true to yourself as you can be. This may mean pruning away all of the "not me" things in your life just now; whether it's a landlord, a partner, or outworn self-concepts.

But natal chart interpretation really only suggests proclivities, good-and-bad times or likely/unlikely times for something to happen. At some level, your capacity for true self-expression has got to act upon what you already know to be true for you.

[starlink]

Beulah, as promised, here I am. I answered to your other thread meanwhile, now will have a look at your natal chart. It is all good exercise for all of us. You have had some good advice in the meantime from other posters:)

Waybread mentioned that Kite configuration, clearly showing that you are a creative person and often with these configurations, concentrated too much on one thing to the detriment of other parts in your chart (psyche). The Kite person can be a "high flyer" according to Nicholas Campion. It is a useful combination of tense and harmonious aspects as the trines and sextiles will alleviate the tension of the opposition.

The 5th house Stellium is another pointer towards creativity. But there is a slight problem here in achieving what you would like to do, which can be seen from your Saturn retrograde conjunct Chiron, forming the handle of a Bucket pattern.(one planet opposite all the others, looks like a fryingpan with a bit of imagination).In other words, Saturn is the one who orchestrates all the energies of the other planets by way of opposition in most of the planets in your chart. Saturn assumes extra importance.

Now Saturn is retrograde and a retrograde Saturn, the planet of discipline and the "teacher" in astrology can be difficult to handle. It also governs our urge for security and safety.
Now there are two ways a planet's energy can work. In this case, either you tighten your belt, buckle down and discipline yourself, or you can feel hampered, held back and held down (when you resent having to do some self disciplining). So it is your own response to this act of learning and discipline which results in the outcome. From what you have written to us, I believe that you have used that Saturn negatively so far, except during the time you disciplined yourself with your drinking problem. This shows me that you can do more.
With a retrograde Saturn you could fear rejection and because it opposes that house of expression with your Sun and Mercury (Ascendant ruler) in it, it has made you fearful of expressing the one thing you are or can be really good at. Being creative.Writing in this case as I also mentioned in the other thread.
As Modcleopatra also mentioned it is (also in my opinion) the key to your (good) health.
You need lots of encouragement to get going and "get going" is a Mars thing and as you can see, your Mars is squared by Neptune, so that initiative is hampered by a not all too clear vision (Neptune) of how to do your things.
So this Saturn's energy needs to be used positively. Saturn is in a positive house and in it's own term, which is good. When positively used, you could attain your goals, no matter how slowly you do it.

And then we also have the case here that Mars happened to be a singleton! It is said that a singleton is the planet which dictates the whole chart.A singleton is a planet which is found as the only planet in a sign, in this chart, a fire sign. No other planet is placed in a fire sign. It is however a fixed fire sign, not all too flexible but therefore more determined when it wants to be.
Mars only makes tense aspects: a square to Moon and Neptune. The square to the Moon could show that you take action according to your mood or you just take intuitive action which, because of the square, could turn out negatively if you dont take care. It can make you impulsive. Dont jump before you think things over carefully. The Moon itself is intercepted, also not easy at times as you can feel emotionally "stuck". However, when triggered, all the Moon's energy can burst out and in Scorpio, well, that can be quite vulcanic!

At the moment transiting Pluto, who just entered your 8th house, is squaring your Asc.ruler Mercury. This could result in some painful mental problems as you will be faced with all things you know you have to let go off. Mental re-adjustment and transformation is needed. At the same time transiting Uranus is exactly opposing your Mercury and Sun as well, forcing changes. To top it all off, transiting SAturn is right between that Sun and Mercury and comes with some severe lessons and limitations.
This can be a very testing time for you, but as with all transits, they will pass eventually and leave you a changed person. Lets hope the changes will be to your advantage and that you will be open to them.

I wish you all the very best.

Starlink

[Beulah]

Your second house, house of personal material assets, is ruled by the Moon, and the Moon is in the 6th house. Considered your art or writing a form of service? Doing it in the "spirit" of service?
Hmmm.... art in the spirit of service? Making art with little kids? Teaching them art?
You have Moon squaring Mars in the 3rd, so your writing may also be a source of frustration to you, like it makes you want to pace around! Perhaps something more active could help? At least not letting the frustration bug you.
LOL! Yes...I used to drink heavily and still smoke heavily when I write- its sort of a painful process... maybe I should exercise beforehand?

Moon disposits Jupiter here in the 3rd, so service is particularly gratifying by way of writing, and good for your health. Jupiter is exalted here so writing promises something for you, good health and a sharp mind. Saturn is conjunct the MC in a Grand Trine with Jupiter and the Moon, so it would make sense that writing would really suit you.
Okay! I'm going to write more, and see if I can write some children's stuff that sells. :biggrin:
What do you like to write about?
I write poetry, essays, and I have written articles... My short stories are a little strange... I am now writing my autobiography, I guess...

[Modcleopatra]

Hmmm.... art in the spirit of service? Making art with little kids? Teaching them art?
LOL! Yes...I used to drink heavily and still smoke heavily when I write- its sort of a painful process... maybe I should exercise beforehand?

Okay! I'm going to write more, and see if I can write some children's stuff that sells. :biggrin:
I write poetry, essays, and I have written articles... My short stories are a little strange... I am now writing my autobiography, I guess...


TEaching art to children could really do it for you, but I don't see that as enough for a Moon square Mars type. Maybe working with inner city children to paint murals around the city, and working them teaching them about new mediums, or graffiti as a form of art that serves to beautify and enhance.

Why are you interested in writing for children? The art is for you, so if writing for children speaks for you and your desire to put your energy out into the world, then so be it. I'm not sure where I would see that in your chart. Jupiter in Cancer, disposted by the Moon? If anything it could be more philosophical, which children's books have the potential, absolutely.

Your other writing is strange you say? Why? Because it's provoking? Some of the Moon square Mars coming through? Therapeutic right? Autobiography is good, and I bet yours would be interesting. Tension in your chart, with Saturn at the top- you have something to show through your experiences.

[Beulah]

Beulah, what is it exactly that you want out of life at this point? Your post suggests a lot of stuff going on in your life, but not what you see as the road ahead.

I don't really know what I want.... except for a small farm with fancy chickens when I'm a little old lady! :biggrin: I think what I really want is to be able to meet all of my material needs, feel safe, improve my health, have my bf be healthy, and have meaningful work... I would be more than happy with that.
Congratulations on your sobriety! That was a huge step to take, so maybe now with that behind you, you can focus on what is next in your life.
Thank you!
Are you still smoking? [Just looking at your avatar.] If so, that has to be next in your Department of Health to-do list because it is linked to so many other health issues. What kind of physical exercise do you do? [Preferably out-of-doors.] Weight can be hard to control, but muscle tone, healthy foods, and heart health can improve no matter what shape you're in.
I'm still smoking... Smokie Monkey is an image of that sort of debauched, indifferent, and addicted self in me... I really do need to quit smoking. I do yoga (easy yoga), and I walk. My plan is to build up slowly and NOT hurt myself again.

Your man probably isn't going to change, so what choices do you want to make around that?I guess I'll stay with him until I can't stand it... recently found Al-Anon online, so I have to look into that.

Is it time to move apartments? [I know, I know--if someone suggests taking steps to improve what you claim are your problems, there are a lot of reasons why you think can't take them. But the "reasons why not" are usually mental rather than material.]I'm on disability from Social Security, so my income is fixed... but I could move into the Housing Projects... I'm a bit scared of that, because I grew up in the Projects and they were terrible....

That square from Mars to your Moon and Neptune no doubt saps your self-confidence; but you've made some super improvements already: you can do it.Yes! Yes I can... I hope. I appear confident to people, but I actually worry quite a bit... and doubt. I can but try...

Your whole chart seems focussed into a gi-mongous "kite" pattern, pointing to your sun-Uranus in the 5th house of self-expression. This is a real "I gotta be me" placement. So the best thing is, day by day, to be as authentic and true to yourself as you can be. This may mean pruning away all of the "not me" things in your life just now; whether it's a landlord, a partner, or outworn self-concepts. LOL! Sorry for laughing, but the "real me" bothers people to the extent that they become hostile and ugly... :( Only "weird" people like me.

But natal chart interpretation really only suggests proclivities, good-and-bad times or likely/unlikely times for something to happen. At some level, your capacity for true self-expression has got to act upon what you already know to be true for you.
Yeah... I reckon I have to write, and I need to move somewhere like Portland, Oregon and "Let my freak-flag fly"! (-Hendrix) But will I actually do those things...

[Beulah]

Starlink, I read what you wrote carefully... I have to make decisions and discipline myself to do what I need to do... I guess I'm just scared because I have been such a failure in the past...

[waybread]

Beulah, I think if you decide what you want in a more definite, no-foolin' sort of way, you will begin to see positive changes in your life. Right now not much can happen because you haven't strongly declared exactly what you want.

I was in Al Anon for a few years and found it to be extremely helpful. I didn't get beyond step 2 in their 12-step program but I learned some really useful things and gained a support group.

With Uranus conjunct your sun, you are just not going to "fit the pictures" of other people. So you might as well just be true to yourself. And maybe move to the "Left Coast" where you might find more kindred free spirits.

[starlink]

Why are you interested in writing for children? I'm not sure where I would see that in your chart. Jupiter in Cancer, disposted by the Moon?


Cleo, I think we have to look at the 10th house, ruled by Uranus. Uranus is conjunct her Sun and Mercury in the 5th house of creativity, children and selfexpression. This alone could point towards a career in connection with children. Moon, who rules her 3rd of writing etc. is in the 6th of service to the public (Jupiter ruling the 7th) and Venus rules the 6th house and is found in the 4th which shows "work at home".
Venus is in mutual reception with Mercury in 5 and Mercury is the traditional ruler of the 3rd house, so work at home and writing for children is strongly mixed with each other here. Mars in 3 square Moon shows what you also saw, the difficulty and emotional stress when writing and Mars square Neptune causes concentration problems, hence the walking up and down and smoking Beulah describes. It is very interesting to see how everything really seems to connect in this chart.

[Beulah]

You're going through a rough time, try to take things easy and look for whatever positives you can find. It doesn't matter how small, there is always a positive. One positive is that you're alive, it might not seem great to yourself, but you're giving yourself a chance, so try to strive for that.
Maybe because saturn opposes like half my chart, life has always been... not that great. I am, however, glad to be alive and have sentience.

Any improvement that you could work towards, you should be proud of. It doesn't matter how "small" it might seem, it's a step forward and that's all that matters. If you're sleeping like a bear, don't be upset with yourself about it. Try to wake up maybe 15 minutes earlier, and your bear will be alittle more controllable, and you will have already made a significant accomplishment that will bring positive results.Ugh... Lifelong sleeping problems and insomnia... however, that's a good idea. Instead of trying to make big changes in my sleeping patterns, perhaps small ones of a quarter hour at a time will be more successful. :smile:

You shouldn't have to "accept" the idea that you'll never have a child. It isn't a fact. You might not have a child who is by blood connected to you, but you could have a child that is connected to you by love. Not having a child yet could be a positive opportunity, you could develop a complete love and understanding for yourself, and have a few stories of overcoming issues, to possibly share with your future child. ??? O_O

Your life is temporarily a wreck. I think being happy is the exact opposite from being stupid. Continue to use whatever internal resources to keep yourself happy and driven. Remember that this is not permenant and you could get through this.I think I'm happy because I have learned Acceptance- like they talk about in AA. The form of my difficulties may change, but they seem permanent.. *shrugs*

[Beulah]

[QUOTE]Beulah, as promised, here I am. I answered to your other thread meanwhile, now will have a look at your natal chart. It is all good exercise for all of us. You have had some good advice in the meantime from other posters:)Hi :smile: And yes, I have had some very good advice.

Waybread mentioned that Kite configuration, clearly showing that you are a creative person and often with these configurations, concentrated too much on one thing to the detriment of other parts in your chart (psyche). The Kite person can be a "high flyer" according to Nicholas Campion. It is a useful combination of tense and harmonious aspects as the trines and sextiles will alleviate the tension of the opposition.A high flyer? I tend to do well in the creative arena, but not too well in the Material and practical areas of life... also, had some communication problems and problems getting my creativity going when I was younger...

The 5th house Stellium is another pointer towards creativity. But there is a slight problem here in achieving what you would like to do, which can be seen from your Saturn retrograde conjunct Chiron, forming the handle of a Bucket pattern.(one planet opposite all the others, looks like a fryingpan with a bit of imagination).In other words, Saturn is the one who orchestrates all the energies of the other planets by way of opposition in most of the planets in your chart. Saturn assumes extra importance.

Now Saturn is retrograde and a retrograde Saturn, the planet of discipline and the "teacher" in astrology can be difficult to handle. It also governs our urge for security and safety.
Now there are two ways a planet's energy can work. In this case, either you tighten your belt, buckle down and discipline yourself, or you can feel hampered, held back and held down (when you resent having to do some self disciplining). So it is your own response to this act of learning and discipline which results in the outcome. From what you have written to us, I believe that you have used that Saturn negatively so far, except during the time you disciplined yourself with your drinking problem. This shows me that you can do more.
With a retrograde Saturn you could fear rejection and because it opposes that house of expression with your Sun and Mercury (Ascendant ruler) in it, it has made you fearful of expressing the one thing you are or can be really good at. Being creative.Writing in this case as I also mentioned in the other thread. I do resent having to discipline myself... I guess I feel like life has restricted me enough...

As Modcleopatra also mentioned it is (also in my opinion) the key to your (good) health.
You need lots of encouragement to get going and "get going" is a Mars thing and as you can see, your Mars is squared by Neptune, so that initiative is hampered by a not all too clear vision (Neptune) of how to do your things.
So this Saturn's energy needs to be used positively. Saturn is in a positive house and in it's own term, which is good. When positively used, you could attain your goals, no matter how slowly you do it.O.K.!
I'm vague about what I want and how to go about it- Maybe I'll just write and art and explore options in how to get my work out there in the world... I do know I need to get a bigger income... perhaps something will sell...

And then we also have the case here that Mars happened to be a singleton! It is said that a singleton is the planet which dictates the whole chart.A singleton is a planet which is found as the only planet in a sign, in this chart, a fire sign. No other planet is placed in a fire sign. It is however a fixed fire sign, not all too flexible but therefore more determined when it wants to be.
Mars only makes tense aspects: a square to Moon and Neptune. The square to the Moon could show that you take action according to your mood or you just take intuitive action which, because of the square, could turn out negatively if you dont take care. It can make you impulsive. Dont jump before you think things over carefully. The Moon itself is intercepted, also not easy at times as you can feel emotionally "stuck". However, when triggered, all the Moon's energy can burst out and in Scorpio, well, that can be quite vulcanic!
Hm! That would explain the problems I used to have with my temper when I was frustrated.
At the moment transiting Pluto, who just entered your 8th house, is squaring your Asc.ruler Mercury. This could result in some painful mental problems as you will be faced with all things you know you have to let go off. Mental re-adjustment and transformation is needed. At the same time transiting Uranus is exactly opposing your Mercury and Sun as well, forcing changes. To top it all off, transiting SAturn is right between that Sun and Mercury and comes with some severe lessons and limitations.
This can be a very testing time for you, but as with all transits, they will pass eventually and leave you a changed person. Lets hope the changes will be to your advantage and that you will be open to them.
Recently, in therapy, I've been doing an awful lot of work (punny) concerning my past...

I wish you all the very best.

Starlink:D Bright Blessings!

[Beulah]

[QUOTE]TEaching art to children could really do it for you, but I don't see that as enough for a Moon square Mars type. Maybe working with inner city children to paint murals around the city, and working them teaching them about new mediums, or graffiti as a form of art that serves to beautify and enhance. I love graffiti and murals! I can do murals.... I guess the kids would supply the graffiti.

Why are you interested in writing for children? The art is for you, so if writing for children speaks for you and your desire to put your energy out into the world, then so be it. I'm not sure where I would see that in your chart. Jupiter in Cancer, disposted by the Moon? If anything it could be more philosophical, which children's books have the potential, absolutely.

Your other writing is strange you say? Why? Because it's provoking? Some of the Moon square Mars coming through? Therapeutic right? Autobiography is good, and I bet yours would be interesting. Tension in your chart, with Saturn at the top- you have something to show through your experiences.
People say the same things about my art and my short stories- that they're Disturbing. All except for the few stories I have written and illustrated for little kids...
What exactly disturbing means, I don't know. It is therapeutic... especially the Autobio.

[Modcleopatra]

[QUOTE=Modcleopatra;209249] I love graffiti and murals! I can do murals.... I guess the kids would supply the graffiti.


People say the same things about my art and my short stories- that they're Disturbing. All except for the few stories I have written and illustrated for little kids...
What exactly disturbing means, I don't know. It is therapeutic... especially the Autobio.


I write disturbing stuff too. I took it down from here because people can't handle the seeing me in that way. Well not all people. Maybe I can't handle seeing myself this way. But then again, some people think it's just so cool. I don't know. I try, gulp. For some people, it's just not their taste and then I think they miss getting to know me. I become pigeon-holed as disturbing. While I agree that *disturbing* work should have a time and place for it, it should not have to hide and it is art. I remember during my sister's Bat Mitzvah (I'm Jewish) this guy for some reason, was there for one of the ceremonies, to talk, and he mentioned how this young girl, 14 (I was 14 as well), had put on her ceiling, and image of a Man and Woman in a very sexual act. He thought this was wrong, sacrosanct. I said, "But it's art. The uncomfortable part is you talking about it here, now." Sex is spiritual, please. She was 14, maybe a bit young, but why was he talking about it, here, now? To teach us something? Please we all have our thoughts on the sexuality of teenagers, what does that have to do with MY SISTER?! Sorry getting mad here, Moon conjunct Mars and Aries in the 3rd house. So I, a 14 year old, made it VERY clear it was ART and if he was uncomfortable we could talk about it another time, but now, let us celebrate my sister and her life. It had nothing to do with her Torah Portion and HE was making everyone uncomfortable, was all, by bringing it up and criticizing it. Here she was, celebrating a birth of something, and he was justifying his own feelings about a 14 year old. Save it.

Sorry... hijacking.
Anyway, I took mine down from here because I felt it was making people uncomfortable, and I moved it entirely away from the site I had it on. I couldn't handle people seeing me that way and judging me, especially because I already feel so misunderstood and unlistened to. I suppose it would have only made the problem worse.

If anything I realized it was just my private stuff and I could share it but I'm not ready to. I'm not ready to be seen that way, but someday I will do something cool even if I'm terrified. Are you worried about these same things?

I work with little kids too, I do a lot for them and with them. Art, Therapy, not totally gratifying though.

[Beulah]

[QUOTE=Modcleopatra;209355]
I write disturbing stuff too. I took it down from here because people can't handle the seeing me in that way. Well not all people. Maybe I can't handle seeing myself this way. But then again, some people think it's just so cool. I don't know. I try, gulp. For some people, it's just not their taste and then I think they miss getting to know me. I become pigeon-holed as disturbing. While I agree that *disturbing* work should have a time and place for it, it should not have to hide and it is art. I remember during my sister's Bat Mitzvah (I'm Jewish) this guy for some reason, was there for one of the ceremonies, to talk, and he mentioned how this young girl, 14 (I was 14 as well), had put on her ceiling, and image of a Man and Woman in a very sexual act. He thought this was wrong, sacrosanct. I said, "But it's art. The uncomfortable part is you talking about it here, now." Sex is spiritual, please. She was 14, maybe a bit young, but why was he talking about it, here, now? To teach us something? Please we all have our thoughts on the sexuality of teenagers, what does that have to do with MY SISTER?! Sorry getting mad here, Moon conjunct Mars and Aries in the 3rd house. So I, a 14 year old, made it VERY clear it was ART and if he was uncomfortable we could talk about it another time, but now, let us celebrate my sister and her life. It had nothing to do with her Torah Portion and HE was making everyone uncomfortable, was all, by bringing it up and criticizing it. Here she was, celebrating a birth of something, and he was justifying his own feelings about a 14 year old. Save it.LOL! I think you are totally in the right! That man was an idiot! Them both being 14 years old is the only link I can think of... except in his head.
Anyway, I took mine down from here because I felt it was making people uncomfortable, and I moved it entirely away from the site I had it on. I couldn't handle people seeing me that way and judging me, especially because I already feel so misunderstood and unlistened to. I suppose it would have only made the problem worse.

If anything I realized it was just my private stuff and I could share it but I'm not ready to. I'm not ready to be seen that way, but someday I will do something cool even if I'm terrified. Are you worried about these same things?
That's very much how I've felt- and idiots have vandalized my work, too...

I work with little kids too, I do a lot for them and with them. Art, Therapy, not totally gratifying though. So you're a therapist. LOL! Somehw I always seem to find them... :lol:

[Modcleopatra]

LOL! I think you are totally in the right! That man was an idiot! Them both being 14 years old is the only link I can think of... except in his head.

I was the 14 year old, my sister was 12. It was her Bat Mitzvah. I'm glad you agree. Many people did.





That's very much how I've felt- and idiots have vandalized my work, too...

Vandals are interesting. They intrigue me. I'm stuck in the middle. It all depends on how you see it. Were they adding to your art, or covering you up?





So you're a therapist. LOL! Somehw I always seem to find them... :lol:

Nope, not a therapist. I'm an Americorps Member, I'm 23 years old. I live in Western Mass. I'm originally from New York. Pleased to meet you Beulah,I do wish you'd let me friend you on here. Not much but I'll leave you fun stuff on your profile!

Moddy.

[Beulah]

[QUOTE=Modcleopatra;209490]I was the 14 year old, my sister was 12. It was her Bat Mitzvah. I'm glad you agree. Many people did.Oh! He was bringing that up at a 12 years olds party! Creepy!



Vandals are interesting. They intrigue me. I'm stuck in the middle. It all depends on how you see it. Were they adding to your art, or covering you up? If they were adding, I wouldn't really have minded... they tore stuff, broke statuary, and drew on paintings and drawings... I don't mind graffiti so much...




Nope, not a therapist. I'm an Americorps Member, I'm 23 years old. I live in Western Mass. I'm originally from New York. Pleased to meet you Beulah,I do wish you'd let me friend you on here. Not much but I'll leave you fun stuff on your profile!
Americorps? And I'd love to friend you!

[Modcleopatra]

[QUOTE]Oh! He was bringing that up at a 12 years olds party! Creepy!



If they were adding, I wouldn't really have minded... they tore stuff, broke statuary, and drew on paintings and drawings... I don't mind graffiti so much...



Americorps? And I'd love to friend you!Thanks for the friending! It wasn't a party, it was a religious Ceremony, and I suppose he thought there was a lesson in this. There was. I saw it as an issue of appropriateness, and understanding the difference between what is art, and what was simply as it appeared to me to be, a bit auto-erotic for him. Perhaps he has some greater intention, perhaps he waited for me to call him out. I do not know. I know that I felt terrible, like I was doing something so wrong, for taking up space during my sister's celebration, but something needed to be done. The crowd did not cheer but the low murmur set him on edge. I was satisified when my Flute Teacher, Miriam (she is public so she won't mind this here) nodded at me not with praise, not with reverence, but the "yes Teddi, you're right." Acknowledgement of a simple fact, nothing more nothing less. I am not the facts. One person's pornography is another person's art, but this was the wrong time and the wrong place for it. My sister's special day (she was so beautiful on that day, I felt I saw her coming alive, I'm crying.) would be protected because I love her that much, and she deserves her recognition from the holy spirit of communal connection more than a man needs to make his point about pornography on the ceiling. It's about connection first, and then we can talk about our feelings about sex. Give us our souls before you tell us what to do with our bodies.

Sigh.

I'm sorry your work was vandalized. Did you press charges of some kind? Were any reprimands in place?

Yes- Americorps, Domestic Peace Corps.

[Beulah]

[QUOTE=Modcleopatra;209587][QUOTE=Beulah;209570]Thanks for the friending! It wasn't a party, it was a religious Ceremony,
Whoa... that makes him even more inappropriate...

I suppose he thought there was a lesson in this. There was. I saw it as an issue of appropriateness, and understanding the difference between what is art, and what was simply as it appeared to me to be, a bit auto-erotic for him. Perhaps he has some greater intention, perhaps he waited for me to call him out. I do not know. I know that I felt terrible, like I was doing something so wrong, for taking up space during my sister's celebration, but something needed to be done. The crowd did not cheer but the low murmur set him on edge. I was satisified when my Flute Teacher, Miriam (she is public so she won't mind this here) nodded at me not with praise, not with reverence, but the "yes Teddi, you're right." Acknowledgement of a simple fact, nothing more nothing less. I am not the facts. One person's pornography is another person's art, but this was the wrong time and the wrong place for it. My sister's special day (she was so beautiful on that day, I felt I saw her coming alive, I'm crying.) would be protected because I love her that much, and she deserves her recognition from the holy spirit of communal connection more than a man needs to make his point about pornography on the ceiling. It's about connection first, and then we can talk about our feelings about sex. Give us our souls before you tell us what to do with our bodies. You did the totally right thing. You were completely in the right. I'm glad your spirit was strong and you could stand up for her... her ceremony is much more important that whatever was going on in his head...

Sigh.Ditto...

I'm sorry your work was vandalized. Did you press charges of some kind? Were any reprimands in place?Nope, I just took all my work (after several attacks) home and cuddled them!

Yes- Americorps, Domestic Peace Corps.Kool! Or should I say Hot!

[Modcleopatra]

[QUOTE][QUOTE=Modcleopatra;209587]
Whoa... that makes him even more inappropriate...

You did the totally right thing. You were completely in the right. I'm glad your spirit was strong and you could stand up for her... her ceremony is much more important that whatever was going on in his head...

Ditto...

Nope, I just took all my work (after several attacks) home and cuddled them!

Kool! Or should I say Hot!


Aww sometimes cuddling is the only thing that works. Sigh. Bring it into bed and make it better. People don't understand it.

As for the Domestic Peace Corps being cool, or hot? It just is what it is, the path I went. Thanks for the cheer. :)