i pushed it till it ended

[DiDi]

10:00am this morning 24/10/09 australian adelaide
after 8 and a half yrs.. imtrying to get a chart up but my daughters pc is damaged.

Im half numb and half blubbering uncontrolably

Im inshock, and a little relieved its out in the open.

This man is my life i love him like i never knew i could love someone.

We were never in a committed relationshipbut thr the yrs it kept intamently evolveing and earlier this yr he said he loved me really loved me but wasnt sure he wanted a committed relationship and if we did would we ruin something great.

so i left it asit felt good and he was very attentive, the last few months he to me hasnt been as attentive, his mates seem to be more interesting.
hes 35 for heavens sake

anyway i pushed to find out what i meant to him, and he said its true that he has not slept with anyone else as he hasnt needed or wanted to as he said hes more than satisfied with our life in that department but he also said if he did find someone he wamted to he would. he just hasnt in all these years... NOw this man does tell the whole truth to his minds knowledge, youl have to believe me on this one.
anyway he then said he loves me like everyone else in his life, not the type of love i think he loves me like.he knew full well when he said he loved me what i knew it meant.

I now have to get over loveing someone so very much and my thought allways had him in it throuout every day, that this person i loved so much never loved me back and was never going to date me or love me speicall..

I asked does he want this to be the end of our relationship?


IM trying to get a chart up but cap is the rising cancer is him
so saturn moon no connection there.

[gemini59]

You are Saturn, very strong in the 10th house. You are at 29 '14 degrees thus you are about to change.
He is moon in your 12th. He is quite weak. You are in square to each other thus the end of the relationship is frustrated.
Mercury rules the 'end of the matter' or the 10th and you are in its sign and in its house. You are also in mutual reception of mercury by exaltation and sign thus I think you definitely want out.
You may want to end it and you can as you are stronger than he is but he will move to frustrate it though he has little power to do so.
He is at 26 degrees of Sagittarius and will change to your sign soon though in a cadent house could take months in mutable sign. He will then be 'in your hand', Right now he is only worried about his money and resources and having a lover near by. He is in the 12th so may not be totally honest with you. Something is hidden from you. He is hiding from you. Jupiter rules the 12th and his 10th.
Moon is in jupiter house, sun trip. (rules his 2nd house) mars terms (his 5th and 10th) money, career, and lovers....
This is your call hon, he is essentially powerless in the 12th house and peregrine.
He will make a weak effort to stop you but I think it is too late he is being weak.

[gemini59]

On a non horary level..I am right there with you...been half numb and half blubbering uncontrolably myself as of late after a 14 year relationship ended. Bet its old Saturn taking its toll on us...the reality teacher.

[DiDi]

yeah saturn has beeen in it for a while now..but the hidden stuff you were saying is deffinatley the part about him keeping the intire truth away fromme about the relationship going anywhere.
I think from a few months ago now he knew he could not see himself with me in a committed relationship and has tryed to distance his feelings for me since... this is the sectret im sure of.

Only im so sorry your going through this too. im not blameing saturn only myself for being so stupid and sinking my head in the dirt on not pushing it earlier but i couldnt stand the thought of us not being together, i cant now, words are only textbut the depths of my feelings are real and imsure yoursare to.. i dont know that he will ever care about how much he lied to me and i cant think why he wouldnt love me like i felt he did when 2 people are together only they know and sometimes i think he just wants to fight it. sometimes he doesnt.

Im confused about the power to actthing, are you saying he will try to ment things?

thanks gemini for reading without the chart it was really kind of you especially in your circumstances. i did forget to look at the end of the relationship 4th house matter :annoyed:

[Lions215]

I think that the chart Didi did was for the 23rd because that makes his Moon in the 12th house but the chart should be for the 24th because u r in Austraila the next morning.This makes the Moon in the first house usually means that he really loves you.And then you also have the Moons last aspect is a trine to you Saturn.So I think all is not lost.

[Moradiva]

I've attached the chart. As Lions pointed out, the Moon is in the 1st. However, your Asc is 1'. Is the chart valid?

Either way, good luck & I wish you strength in seeing clearly & rationally.

[gemini59]

Yes, the new chart changes thans considerably. He is in Saturn domain and in your house so yes...he does love you.
the question was "is this the end?" and you are in a separating square to him. Again you are the decision maker here as you are in the sign of the 10th house but you are at critical degrees and thus can not make up your mind. He will travel to a trine to you. Will Saturn pass to Libra by then? I am sure it will be quite close. But I think that bodes well and the story is that you are moving away from 'the end'.

[Serendipity]

Hi DiDi,

I'm not so sure this chart is fit to be judged. The ascendant is only at 1 which means I think there's more to come for this situation. And regardless of that, I would think his significator being the moon under your rulership and in your house would mean no.

[Lions215]

With only this one stricture I think its safe to say that this chart is valid.I think the one question that really killed her was that he had said he only loved her like anyone else in his life.This is what really hurt her.Its funny though because when we look at chrsitian astrology by william lilly and we want to know who loves who more it is the significater of the person in the other's house.Like in this situation.This chart signifys that he loves her more then she loves him.But he doesn't show it or let her even know this.I think he is very scared of commitment.And I hope she can just have the peace she needs now to just know that he loves her more then she knows or that he can even allow himself to tell.But now its up to her to see if she can really live with that.She has for a long time.Some people are really afraid of love or to show their true feelings,they can be afraid of someone else having the upper hand on them if they knew.He seems to need a lot of freedom too maybe alot of Uranus in his chart,and he could be afraid of losing that.At any rate there are so many reasons people have for their fears.I do hope u let us know what happens.

[DiDi]

Thankyou so very much everyone for your replys especially since i had so much trouble logging on.
Library wont allow this site and my daughters has bugs on it.
Im at work today so i can freely thankyous all.
I also must tell yous that even though yous are far from me the kindness of this has made a difference.

I remembered what he said to me at n/yr
He said I love you into my eyes knowing full well what that means to me as he had never said it before in those words.
a few of his close mates had broken up in their marriage and engagement and the said to me at the same time.." im not sure what this yr is going to bring Just know that i love you okay.. not sure how a relationship will go but know that he loves me.

He does put his mates first and i think he genrally does love me but he doesnt want to committ, and im not sure he even knows whats going on with his feelings, comming in from a man who is a very cautious (cap in 7th house) man and sane.

I think also the chart is fit to be judged as when i ask a different question about us over the weekend saturn and moon keeps appearing.
and it was fresh of my conversation with him. so very new

Lion215
your last passage message was spot on.
the part of who loves who more is contentional to say the lease, i truly know i love him more.. but its true he hids his feelings growing up in a family that did not show affection but are very close.
he is cancer asc moon also.. he must have emotions only his aries sun will not allow this to happen along with the cappy 7th.

He is very scared off committment but dont think hes scared of committment to me only committment itself, yet i give him all the space in the world and he knows it, i think hes afraid of ageing. and im not sure he will committ till hes over 40.. who knows

you said..

I hope she can just have the peace she needs now to just know that he loves her more then she knows or that he can even allow himself to tell.

as a leo moon i cant understand this in him.

but my 19 yr old aries son with also cancer moon and aqu venus like my love has similar personalities and he said exactly waht you said.
that he is not wanting to committ so has put up barriers to stop himself from pain and validly thinks this is true.

the upperhand thing is also something i think he is afraid of that he will loose this if he conciels to love, that he is loosing power of some sort, the rest of his life he governs very carefully and is allways in control. evcen to the point of driveing his own car not being apassager in anyone elses..

he drove past while i was on my walk we live a few streets from one another, he slowed down and just looked at me waiting for some sort of reaction i looked away as hes looking for my okay on this to ehal himself. hes not getting it.
I hope some time away from me for a while will help him work out his feelings cause i just cant do this annymore.

gemini59
you said

"But I think that bodes well and the story is that you are moving away from 'the end'. "
does that mean iam moveing away from wanting to end this. or this is the end? thanks

the moon squares venus his 5th ruler (romance)before going on to square mercury (the end of matter ) ( breakup) then trines me, does this show the lack of of romance latley he has been towards me then the break up then comming towards me ?


ill follow up this post for sure.

[gemini59]

I meant it more as you are not going to end it..you are moving away from this idea. I wish for you the very best and please keep us posted.

[DiDi]

thankyou so much i will

[DiDi]

just wanted to update.. nothing has happened no call no text nothing
.. i find it wierd that you could be with someone for all that time and not hear one word from a person who was supose to love u...

[Moradiva]

Hi Didi
Hmmm, that is strange. Maybe another horary can help...something like, "what's on his mind" or "where is he" or "will I hear from him soon"?

[DiDi]

I left a nightie there in his top draw just for conveniance sakes. didnt know i would not be going back there.

I wondered if he tryed bringing it back to me say putting it in the post box but i found the post box opened one day the day i thought i seen him walking away from my place.. he lives just a few streets away, but i also know i could be mistaken..

anyway i asked does he have my nightie still.


http://i303.photobucket.com/albums/nn155/lexia523/chart.gif

[DiDi]

IM MERC 3 sag in his 12 of ... not thinking about me at all.
its my 6th and im not in the best shape.. so far true

he is jupiter in 19 aqu

does he recieve me or do i recieve him, cause i dont remember how to determine this.

his 8th of other peoples things is ruled by the moon.. which is placed in his asc.. that sounds like a yes to me.