"Bedtime Prayer" for each Sign

[ela]

ARIES: "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!

TAURUS: "God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET."

GEMINI: "Yo God...(or is it Goddess?)... Who are you?.... What are you?..... Where are You?..... How many of you ARE there? I can't figure you out!"

CANCER: "Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn't depend on you so much, but you're the only One I can count on while my security blanket is at the cleaners."

LEO: "Hi Pop! I'll bet you're really proud to have me as your kid!"

VIRGO: "Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't ***** it up like you did the last time."

LIBRA: "Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?"

SCORPIO: "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the creeps don't deserve it."

SAGITTARIUS: "OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL-LOVING, ALL- POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I'VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I'VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES --- HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!"

CAPRICORN: "Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway.”

AQUARIUS: "Hi God! Some say you're a man. Some say you're a woman. I say we're ALL God. So, why pray? Let's have a party!"

PISCES: "Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch
to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory."

[Manic_Monday]

Lol, that's funny.

[scorpio]

SCORPIO: "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the creeps don't deserve it."




lolz so true;)

[lillyjgc]

Hi-these are funny..one night some friends and I made up a list of how different astrological signs tells someone their cat is dead. this came about because my sag friend walked in one night and said "Bad news- ya cat's dead!"
This is how they went:
Aries : Your cat's dead. You know this is going to affect MY cat, don't you?
Taurus: I paid good money for that cat. I knew it would be a waste.
Gemini: Will send you a text message inviting you to meet out the
front of the house...
Cancer: Can't say anything....sobbing noises...leaves the room...
Leo: I did everything I could to try and save that cat- almost got myself killed.
Virgo: I got home at 10.36 and I saw what appeared to be a small feline creature lying at a funny angle on the wet road...
Libra: Your cat's dead....but it might not be!
Scorpio: That filthy disgusting creature that pees in my room has been hit by a truck.
Sag: Your cat's dead.
Capricorn: You'll be needing to go out on the road with a shovel and a garbage bag.
Aquarius: I think we should all go out and bury the cat..then maybe we should have a wake?
Pisces: A pisces never tells you your cat is dead.(They probably didn't notice).
Lillyjgc

[Lissa]

Hi-these are funny..one night some friends and I made up a list of how different astrological signs tells someone their cat is dead. this came about because my sag friend walked in one night and said "Bad news- ya cat's dead!"
This is how they went:
Aries : Your cat's dead. You know this is going to affect MY cat, don't you?
Taurus: I paid good money for that cat. I knew it would be a waste.
Gemini: Will send you a text message inviting you to meet out the
front of the house...
Cancer: Can't say anything....sobbing noises...leaves the room...
Leo: I did everything I could to try and save that cat- almost got myself killed.
Virgo: I got home at 10.36 and I saw what appeared to be a small feline creature lying at a funny angle on the wet road...
Libra: Your cat's dead....but it might not be!
Scorpio: That filthy disgusting creature that pees in my room has been hit by a truck.
Sag: Your cat's dead.
Capricorn: You'll be needing to go out on the road with a shovel and a garbage bag.
Aquarius: I think we should all go out and bury the cat..then maybe we should have a wake?
Pisces: A pisces never tells you your cat is dead.(They probably didn't notice).
Lillyjgc
:rotflmao:

[Arian Maverick]

this came about because my sag friend walked in one night and said "Bad news- ya cat's dead!"

I love this; we fire signs always tell it as it is! :D

Arian Maverick

[Lissa]

I love this; we fire signs always tell it as it is!

Oh yeah,sometimes too much than we should.I'm not a fire sign but you know my triple Aries placements.So now I'm thinking about last year when my entire class went away for a couple of days in the end of the year and a friend of mine had a small wooden box with a fairy on it in her bedroom and so I walked inside the room and said"What an ugly box",and got a very cold stare from her when she told me the box had been made by her mom:eek:.

[Squapius]

It also could be:

"Yes, lord. I will learn to love my enemies some day. Even if I´m the one that stab their asses".

[ritchela]

:cool: lol! Everyting here made me laugh. Post some more.

:rotflmao:
___________________________

Skeptics and Disbelievers of Astrology (http://www.astrology-answers.com/facts-and-info/skeptics-disbelievers-astrology.html)

[2rainbows]

native piscean, the prayer, so not me.
progressed arian, ok, that's better. funny!
~2Rainbows

[Liquid Green]

Capricorn: You'll be needing to go out on the road with a shovel and a garbage bag
Nothing like a bit of reality!.......a spade is a spade with a cap!

I love the fact this forum has a astro humour section.....so funny! :banana:

[autumnleaf]

ARIES: "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW! "



LIBRA: "Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?"

SCORPIO: "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the creeps don't deserve it."

SAGITTARIUS: "OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL-LOVING, ALL- POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I'VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I'VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES --- HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!"

CAPRICORN: "Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway.”

PISCES: "Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch
to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory."


:rotflmao:

These are so funny, and TRUE!!!

AM, you fire signs are blunt and to the point but that's why we all love and need you guys around. Ok, sometimes it's a bit too blunt, but we all suffer from foot-in-mouth disease at times :D. It's this blunt honesty that keeps me going back to "fire men". I always know where I stand with them. ;)

[Heart of a Scorpio]

Scorpio Sun with Aries rising.

Yeah, those comments are true. I'd be straight forward and probably describe the cats death LOL

[Natasha]

the cat joke is hysterical ROFL
An aries relative said something just like that to another family memeber when they told the aries something similar.

[Cryxellis]

VIRGO: "Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't ***** it up like you did the last time."

SCORPIO: "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the creeps don't deserve it."



hahaha:rotflmao: those prayers were indeed funny:38:I was wondering what happened to virgo the last time, and I'm a scorpio I was praying the same prayer :rotflmao:

[Smitty0651]

Lmao, the Virgo prayer sounds like something I'd say to somebody Good stuff!

[Epsilon]

CAPRICORN: "Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway.”

I chuckled to myself at this one. :rotflmao:

[pallas]

"Virgo: I got home at 10.36 and I saw what appeared to be a small feline creature lying at a funny angle on the wet road..."

That's funny. Reminds me of many virgos.:D

Virgo: Didn't you used to have a cat?
could work too...
lol very funny and a good laugh!:D :D :D :D

[Ladysonoma]

That cat one below is funny, especially the bit about the pisces male not noticing. I know a pisces man who definitely is that spacey.

I love the cancer bit about the security blanket too, as I know cancer man just like that too.

[Styx]

THIS WAS HILARIOUS!!! :D

Esp the leo, cancer and virgo one

I'm an aries and the aries one is so true.

[natasa812]

whan my cat died, it was excactly what I sad
Sag: my cat's dead.

[ScorpiosRock]

My take on the whole your cat is dead scenario:

Aries: Hey, your dead cat is lying right next to where I usually park my car. I wish I had a cat. I would name him after me...

Taurus: I know a really cheap taxidermist with the most pleasant waiting room. They even serve coffee and cakes from the bakery nextdoor.

Gemini: Oh, honey, baby, girl. About your little kitty... Um, what's that? Oh,yes... nice shoes MISSES. Tell me you bought two pairs.

Cancer: About your cat...(sob) my mom once said that all cats go to their own heaven...(giggle) Do you remember when you got Mrs Whiskerson...(sob)

Leo: Your cat is dead. I give the best hugs...

Virgo: Hello, how are you? Listen, a pink 1967 convertable cadillac appears to have killed your pale ginger cat with the toenail on the left front foot that is slightly shorter than the rest. This was certainly at a 93 degree angle about an hour 27 minutes ago. Will you excuse me I need to go freshen up.

Libra: Should I tell you your cat is dead now, or do you want to hear that a bit later?

Scorpio: Your cat messed up it's ninth life. Sad? Seance? You get the graveyard dirt, I'll phone the caterers and the rest of my coven.

Sagittarius: Your cat is SOOO deadly dead dead DEAD. Let's go buy you a prettier one.

Capricorn: Listen, I have to get back to work, but I just thought you might need this shovel and this garbage bag...

Aquarius: I don't want to identify it as just a cat, but by the way, your felinic companion has passed on right next to the spot I once had that amazing headrush.

Pisces: Your cat's physical body has left him.

[2xVirgo]

VIRGO: "Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't ***** it up like you did the last time."

LIBRA: "Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?"

SCORPIO: "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the creeps don't deserve it."

AQUARIUS: "Hi God! Some say you're a man. Some say you're a woman. I say we're ALL God. So, why pray? Let's have a party!"

PISCES: "Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch
to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory."

These are my favorites... nice list ^_^

[R4VEN]

Bedtime prayer by either ARIES or CAPRICORN - mainly ARIES tho:

Dear God, Is there anything you need me to do for you? I'm free after Wed 7th, but I'll pencil you in anyway.

[Jayski]

LEO: "Hi Pop! I'll bet you're really proud to have me as your kid!"

VIRGO: "Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't ***** it up like you did the last time."

CAPRICORN: "Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway.”

AQUARIUS: "Hi God! Some say you're a man. Some say you're a woman. I say we're ALL God. So, why pray? Let's have a party!"

PISCES: "Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch
to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory."

:38: haha. These are funny because I can point out a few of my friends who would say some of these (Pisces being me, even though im only rising pisces)